False Starts at bedtime

 

A false start is a term that is popularly used to describe a child waking soon after bedtime, typically within the first hour. It is not unusual for parents to report that this waking may be quite challenging to support.  You will not be surprised to learn that there are several possible influences that contribute to this dynamic and here we will explore what the reason may be, bearing in mind that with childhood sleep, it may often be a combination of a few factors that influence the sleep experience.

 

 

The under-over-tired conundrum.

 

Commonly, not being tired enough or being too tired will lend to this particular problem.  I can understand how that feels confusing. However, being under or over-tried often produces similar results, meaning that your child may resist sleep or in this case find it difficult to maintain sleep due to either a lack of sleep pressure, or indeed too great.  How can we know what is contributing to what?  Firstly, we can assess how the child seems- do they show early, late or no sleep cues? What are they like in the run up to bedtime?  We are typically seeking a sweet spot of “just right”, meaning we avoid obvious, intense overtired cues and act on early ones, such as brief eye rubs, yawns, or moments of quiet.

 

However, often body language on its own is not a true indication of sleep readiness. If your child is not getting enough sleep by day or overnight, they may routinely show tired cues, but also have a lack of sleep pressure to go off to sleep with ease and stay asleep for long.  Observing sleep signals alongside an age-related recommended wake window can also help you to land a well-timed bedtime. The wake window concept harnesses the amount of awake time required before a child requires a nap or is ready for bed. It may be helpful to understand the following wake window for bedtime:

 

4-6m 2-3 hours

8-18m 3-4 hours

18m-3 years 4-5 hours

 

Using this information when planning for bedtime and aiming to be asleep within these time frames can helpfully avoid the over-under tired dilemma and may need to be combined with further changes.

 

 

Your child is transferred to the cot already asleep (or very sleepy).

 

False starts can also be caused by a low sleep ability.  This means that the parent is inducing sleep, normally with feeding, or with activities such as rocking, handholding, cuddling, patting and once asleep, or fairly sleepy, the child is transferred to the cot or sleep space.  This may generate a waking within the first hour or so, with some parents reporting that their child wakes almost immediately on put down and therefore takes several attempts to transfer.  This can be frustrating for both parent and child and may require a series of adjustments to how your child experiences their sleep- however, this can also indicate a level of readiness on your child’s part to embrace a more independent style of sleep.

 

Whenever parents are making the decisions to move away from active settling, I propose a series of steps to help minimise upset and I also suggest that my stay and support approach helps this transition in a responsive and attended way.

 

 

Recharging batteries

 

Although not a false start per se, a recharge of the batteries often gets hustled under the false start banner.  This is represented by a relaxed child who suddenly regroups and find it difficult to settle.  This can be caused by a last feed that they get very chilled on and then sparks back up again or may be induced by screens or very relaxed time, before sleep itself. This can be avoided by providing the last feed in a living room, with lights on and kept separate from the bedtime process; this helps to promote an independent style of sleep and avoid vulnerabilities associated with this. Avoiding screens one hour or more before bedtime and establishing a bedtime routine in the bedroom your child is going to sleep in.

 

A bedtime routine that supports sleep that occurs with ease and without distress for your child ideally includes twenty minutes of preparation in a dimly lit environment, where you can help your child to wind-down without undue stimulation, and still maximise connection and relationship. Providing a loving bedtime process, filled with physical and eye contact, along with interaction and engagement promotes emotional availability and generate feelings of emotional and psychological safety: essential ingredients to invite a smooth passage to maintained sleep.

 

Environmental considerations

 

You can help further by ensuring that the bedroom is both an emotionally safe and favourable place to be. This can be achieved by spending lots of non-sleep time in the bedroom: playing with your child in the room, and helping them to develop good forms, feeling and associations in the room, that will alleviate fears, anxieties and hyper vigilance that may surround bedtime sleep. Teaching our children to feel loved, safe, and secure in the hundreds of interactions by day and overnight help them to feel safe enough to switch off.

 

This can be further underpinned by a sleep-friendly environment such as blackout blinds, along with a security light so that your child can visibly check and see that they are ok.  I would avoid hall or bathroom lights that may interfere with the sleep hormone production, and I would also look at the room from your child perspective, removing any distractions, or anything that may hang over the cot or from the ceiling that may seem different in the dark.  Depending on your child’s temperament you may need to remove monitor or video lights that also disturb their sleep process.

 

Discomfort

 

If your child is too hot or not warm enough this can further disrupt their sleep experience at bedtime and through the night.  The ideal room temperature is suggested between 16-20* along with appropriate clothing. Children do not sleep well if they are too hot or too cold, so a sleeping bag can be a good way to address, this adjusting appropriately to the season. Furthermore, the sleeping bag is a good sleep cue for your child to recognise as part of the sleep process, deepening the emotional safety we are seeking.

 

If your child is too full, or feeling hungry this may also interfere with bedtime.  Similar to the over-under tired conundrum, it is a tightrope walk.  I am not an advocate of stuffing in calories before bedtime, I am interested in a cascade of balanced and required calories throughout the day so that by bedtime they are satisfied, and not uncomfortable to sleep.  Occasionally, unmanaged reflux or food sensitives or intolerances cause a false start at bedtime so as part of your exploration, this also may need to be discussed with your GP so that any digestive issued are managed, controlled, or resolved too.

 

 

If you would like more information, see either my books, my online courses, or book an appointment lucy@sleepmatters.ie.